1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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