Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The adults are the big ones right?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
