Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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