i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
