that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize