people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
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