i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Sober January is a disaster.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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