could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
