i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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