i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
