New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize