ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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