so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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