I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
