He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize