ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
