no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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