there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I need a beard to bite.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
