Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
