Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
