If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The power of my boobs compel you
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
