the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i came on her dog
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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