so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
