Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
