She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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