I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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