On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
