So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
