guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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