I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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