farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
