Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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