I should be sponsored by Trojan
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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