My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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