Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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