Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
