real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i permit you to call me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
