if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
