yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
