What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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