you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Actions speak louder than pants.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
