Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
