We won't sleep together?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Randomize
