I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
