My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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