He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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