i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
