Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize