Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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