I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
