I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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