my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
thus making me awesome and them whores
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
