My balls are so social today.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
