i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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