First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
