: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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