ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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