Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize