She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
