i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
