Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
