i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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