i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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