omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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